Dear Explorer,

Twenty-five years ago, in 1999, I wrote the first draft of this book. I was 31, wrestling with deep mood swings and struggling to understand myself. For 18 years, a relentless thought had haunted me: Is life worth living? It wasn’t self-hatred. It was something even more insidious: self-distrust.

I felt buried beneath my history. Years of coping mechanisms, self-protective strategies, and inherited beliefs had stacked up, obscuring my True Self. I knew the real me was still there, deep within, waiting to be revealed. I simply couldn’t hear it.

Fast forward to today. It’s December 2024. I’m 56, newly single, and living in a furnished apartment that hasn’t yet started to feel like home. My dog and cat are my closest companions, the only pieces of my life that feel fully mine. I’ve had all the external markers of success: financial stability, vacations, homes, and luxury cars. I now realize that I’d spent much of that time numb and disconnected from the real me. I was using “things” to make me feel whole.

And so, here I am, facing the same questions I wrestled with in 1999:

• Who am I?
• What do I want?
• Why am I here?

A Nudge From The Past

A few months ago, while sitting on my couch, I asked myself: What should I do next? How do I find my way back to me?

The response wasn’t a booming revelation or a mystical sign. It was a quiet, steady nudge:

Go find the book you wrote in 1999.

I wasn’t expecting that answer, just so you know. I didn’t remember what the book was about, and I barely remembered writing it. As I scanned the pages I dug out of my backup storage drive (yes, I am digital hoarder), I saw that it was filled with exercises designed to strip away pretense and get to the truth. I decided to sit down and do them again. And as I worked through my own words, I realized:

What I had created in 1999 wasn’t just a collection of exercises, it was a process of excavation.

The younger version of me—let’s call it the 1.0 Self—wrote the first draft of this book in an effort to reconcile inner turmoil. Twenty-five years later, a more life-weathered version returned to those pages and used them as a framework for an upgrade. What you’re holding now is Version 2.0: revised, refined, and ready to be shared.

That doesn’t mean I’ve “arrived.” It just means the signal is clearer now—I can hear who my True Self came here to be. My hope is that I keep evolving. Version 3.0, 4.0, and beyond. May the updates never stop.

I’ve just hinted at my personal beliefs about how the universe works. I don’t expect you to have the same beliefs. Youdon’t needto have similar beliefs to find value in this book. In fact, I hope through this excavation, you uncover so much aboutyou, that you want to debate withmeabout my beliefs. That’s what I hope I’ve provided in these pages: a way to know yourself more intimately, and a desire to share that discovery with the world.

Why I’m Writing This (And Why You Might Want To Listen)

I’m not a therapist. I don’t have a PhD. I haven’t spent decades in research labs or academic institutions. But I’ve spent decades inside myself.

I’ve studied hypnotherapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), personal training, group dynamics, and meditation. I’ve built businesses in the health and wellness world. I’m a Certified Divorce Coach—born from both training and lived experience. I’ve worked alongside Cognitive Behavioral Therapists, interviewing clients, identifying patterns, and helping people get needed support. I’ve lived through significant emotional storms and each time I’ve come out the other side a more potent version of myself.

I’m not claiming to be the expert in your healing. But I’m becoming an expert in mine. I’m a lifelong student of what it means to be human, and I’ve made my life the case study.

This book wasn’t written from a mountaintop monastery. It was written from the trenches of turmoil, curiosity, and personal excavation. I’m walking this path with you, not in front of you.

So no, I’m not an expert in any one field.

However, I am obsessed with the space where the mental, emotional, physical, and energetic bodies overlap. This is the place where the True Self waits. Every day, I carve out time to reflect—on thoughts, triggers, insights, and questions. I read voraciously. I don’t test new ideas in theory; I test them in the laboratory of my emotions, thoughts, relationships, and behavior. When something resonates, I follow it. When it doesn’t, I explore elsewhere. I’m not here to hand you answers. I’m here to offer the tools and reflections that helped me uncover mine.

Further On This Topic

This book is, at its core, about being real. So in that spirit, let me tell you exactly where I am as I write these words.

I’m not writing this from the calm after a storm. I’m still in it. Right now, I’m going through a difficult divorce. A few months ago, I realized it was time to move on from my job, and I did. Just two weeks ago, my stepson passed away in an incredibly tragic and heartbreaking accident. We were close. My cat has been in and out of the vet hospital, and I’ve just learned he has cancer.

And yet, my True Self keeps nudging me to continue writing this book. To finish it. To trust it. To build a store that connects this message to tangible products that inspire healing in others. (www.paramourparadox.com.) It’s told me to create an app that will nudge people to do their work (The Dig). It also advised me to create a safe space for a community of “inner truth seekers” (visit murmuration.space). Some days, I argue with that voice. I call it names. I doubt it. I throw temper tantrums. But it keeps showing up. It keeps telling me to trust. And it keeps reminding me to use the practices in this book to stay clear, focused, and connected.

I am not an expert. But I practice what I preach.

This book continues to improve because I am using the exercises to become the Me that’s more Me than I’ve ever been. Sometimes, when I use these tools, I realize there’s another way to do it that works even better. Or I think of another exercise to explore and if it helps me, I add it to the pile. That’s how I know this book works, because I’m walking through the fire with it, and it’s guiding me home.

I hope it guides you, too.

A Box Of Tools And A Book Of Questions

I want to drive home that this book isn’t a prescription.

It’s a compass. A chisel. No, a toolbox.

I started with just a dozen or so tools 25 years ago. It was a tiny little toolbox. I had a few coping strategies and a couple of good habits that helped me move through life. It was enough to get by, but not enough to build something stable, lasting, or exciting.

I collected more tools over the years, but my “garage of life” had become a mess. I realized most of my tools were still incredibly useful, but if I couldn’t find them, what good were they? Plus, tools get updated, upgraded, and invented every year. I realized my tools and garage needed an overhaul.

I’ve organized my workshop into categories (The Emotional, Mental, Physical, and Energy Bodies). I’ve studied current topics (You As The Archeologist Chapters), so that I feel qualified to use advanced tools. And, I’ve refined and expanded my piles of personal insight tools (The Excavation Chapters). So now, when I need a tool, I know where to find it. I’ve sharpened them, and I’ve explored new projects each tool can be applied to.

With my new tools, I’ve built a different life that is utterly mine. This book provides a framework for you to do the same.

Most books in this genre try to teach you how to become the version of success the author assumes you want. They may go so far as to impose a value. Very few take the time to ask: What’s your vision? What does your alignment look like?

For that reason, this book offers more questions than concepts. I’m not here to overload you with information. Just enough to help you feel equipped to investigate, uncover, and reconnect with what’s always been inside you. This will allow you to build your toolbox.

If you’re open to being asked things you may never have considered, then you are exactly where you need to be. There will be questions that surprise you, exercises that stretch you, and probings that make you uncomfortable. That’s where the juicy discoveries are.

You won’t find one right path here. But you will find the space to create your own. If you finish this book knowing yourself more deeply and feeling more aligned with your path then I have done my job.

Best Wishes on Your Journey,

Kristen